My aunt told me about the importance of watering the foundation of her home, so that it would not crack in the dry heat of Texas. It is time to take a look at what drains me vs what supports me and better regulate my nervous system.
Three Ways to Water My Foundation
Valuing My Time and Energy
There was a dear person in my life, whom I still adore, who, of no fault of their own, needs tons of validation from others. This person is doing the best that they can until they know better and has helped me to grow in many ways. I honor and love this one for the co-created time we shared, yet I am sending their star farther out in my sky until we are ready to orbit each other again in a way that is not draining. I will now free myself from things and people who clutter and drain my life. This is not self-centeredness, but self-preservation.
Finding balance starts with being real with myself. Some things I am great at and some things I am still developing. To find balance I first have to admit to myself what is out of balance and embrace the void that is there. Coming out of denial takes accountability. I am building a supportive network around me. Covering up dysfunction causes more of it and attracts people who are also covering up their own dysfunction. Covering up and hiding is a signal you are living in ‘fight or flight’ mode. Vulnerability connects us to the right people who live in a more balanced and relaxed way. We need each other to see there are more balanced ways of being that we had not yet considered. Basic human abilities can be grown if you did not get them from your parents, family or society.
Focus on What I am Capable of Doing
Some days I may only feel capable of watering the plants and that is ok. I created that day for resting. It is my responsibility for all I have created, and to manage my life, to think consciously, to decrease impulsivity, to regulate my nervous system and take care of my foundational issues. The voice that sabotages me is the voice that tells me I am not capable (when I believe it). Listening to negativity drains me. Yet, this voice is an innocent, unhealed part of me that just wants to be fully heard and its potential recognized. I will listen in a new way (without agreeing with the negativity) to what this inner-child in me really needs to feel safe to come out of the shadows.
Massage can be a helpful tool to regulate your nervous system and spend some time deeply listening to yourself. You may find you are feeling more confident and capable once you reach a relaxed state of being.
Aunt Mary Wolaver
The Habits of Stress Resilient People Seminar on 10/9/17 with Dennis A Marikis, Ph.D.
Disclaimer: Massage is a tool to deal with stress and is not a substitute for professional medical treatment.